[Submission 2] Making sense of things

3/9/2017

Making Sense of Things

I found myself playing advice columnist on FB this morning and thought I’d share.

My friend’s post:
I’ve been divorced for 15 years now and once in a blue moon I miss having that person to help me figure out how to make sense of all these big issues going on. It’s tough when you don’t have someone you know you can depend on for good advice. I know I’ll figure it out. I just wish I had what is known as “my person” as this is so much to do own my own. I really want to get it right. Oh well….

My Response:
Annie, you’re right. But the truth is that sometimes your significant other isn’t any better equipped to do that than you are, even less, and it doesn’t detract from the relationship. Your ‘one person’ you can discuss and make sense of such things with doesn’t have to be the same person. It just needs to be someone with common sense who cares about you and you trust, a friend, a relative, spiritual advisor, whoever. I get that your ex was that person, but there are others out there. Assuming you left that relationship for a reason and that you’re not still close enough to have kept that part, I’d suggest finding a group, online or off, that’s a safe place where you can talk about things and get some input.

Part of my concern for this person stems from the fact that, even after a break-up and fifteen years time, she didn’t feel she had anyone to help her figure things out, and that her response to that was to think of her ex. But I think a lot of people are having this feeling of isolation lately. The times we’re living in seem so random and threatening. My friend’s post made me realize how lucky I am to have people I can discuss my feelings with, ask my questions of, vent my frustrations around. People under-estimate the value of communicating thoughts and feelings. It isn’t even necessary that your audience be wiser. What’s important is that you trust them enough to tell them. Because putting those thoughts and feelings into words, whether aloud or as we do here, stimulates thought and solidifies the ones you’re already having. Sometimes all it takes to really understand something is to communicate it. Sometimes just doing that takes the pressure of having a worry nagging at you away, whether you find an answer or not. It puts things in perspective. No matter how much we all know that there’s no benefit to worry past the point of ensuring that we’ve done all we can to be prepared for eventualities, it’s a hard thing to learn to let go. Like so many things in life, declining to worry about things we can’t control is far more easily said than done. The key that many people miss is that it’s easier to let go of a worry or a niggle or a fear once we’ve taken it out of our own heads, where it spins in a circle, forming and ever deepening rut, if we share it and get some new input that can help us dig out and carry on.

Submitted unsigned.

Link to Discussion for this Post